HOW FOLLOWING MY PASSION LED ME TO MY DREAM JOB

My journey to where I am right now was definitely a bumpy road full of harsh but valuable lessons of discovering self-worth, dignity, and love.

I never thought or saw myself as one of those naturally super gifted children that were just amazing at something or everything. My life never had a clear direction and by the time everyone was thinking about his or her career direction in some strange way I had faith that I am going to end up just fine by not knowing mine yet.

Growing up I had a very hard time fitting through the cookie-cutter of a high school system and all of my unique personality traits more or less seemed like a burden rather than a blessing. I have to admit commitment was never my thing – I would bounce from one art school to another, acting, painting, singing, but never really finishing or committing. On the one hand, I wanted to run away and live a hippie life, and on the other hand, I realised that to change the world for the better I needed to be creative in practical ways. 

As later on I matured and carefully absorbed my surroundings I realised that for me to reach something in life I need to change my style. In other words - to become more accepted by society. So from a pink/black/brown-headed EMO kid, I became a bleach blond, high-heeled Barbie…  Everyone thought that a new girl moved into town and my period of great bullying was over as I transformed from a misfit to miss popular. However, that did not fill the empty void that was inside me. My insecurities escalated to the rooftop and I even got to the point where I thought I had nothing else to offer but a pretty face. 

Battling 11 years of depression and anxiety, I had a fair package of insecurities and still no idea for the future. I knew I was never destined to  fit in. I never saw myself as a 9 to 5 professional - the idea of an office job gave me a headache, yet I felt a lot of guilt about the fact that I could never finish what I started. 

I remember I was around 18 years old when I had to choose what I was going to study. I am not sure why there is such an urge for our parents to place us somewhere to study right after high school but the pressure really worked. Long story short, I ended up studying Public Administration in Vilnius. What a choice… After one sloppy year of crying, looking forward only to the weekends and secretly dreaming to escape Lithuania I became quite miserable. Even though I passed all my exams with flying colours and fulfilled all my requirements as a student I knew that I would never work in this area.

Knowing that my single mother was supporting me financially (and wasting her money on a future that I will never want to pursue) gave me tremendous sadness. These thoughts were eating me up and to my relief an opportunity to drop my studies and start a new life in Denmark arose.

So there I was alone in Copenhagen. Once again, I had no idea what my future will look like. Before leaving Lithuania I boldly informed my mother that I will accept no money from her since I was unable to fulfill her expectations. The last thing I wanted to do was to disappoint her even more. And it was not the smartest thing to do knowing that Denmark is one of the most expensive countries in the world. However, this determination motivated me to find a job even before I departed, and so I quickly became an au pair. 

I had already successfully applied for studies as a Multimedia Designer and things seemed to fall into place and order. My documents were fixed and Denmark had to offer incredible conditions for students. The studies there are free and if that is not good enough you get paid to study. If as a student you have a part-time job the university covers half of the salary which means you end up getting around 1,300 euros per month and free education. As time passed my crazy decision to drop everything and move to Denmark seemed more and more genius. 

I ended up getting a part-time job in the fast fashion industry and so here I was studying and trying to see the bigger picture of where my life was going. I can't say I knew what I wanted to do and if multimedia was the thing for me but in some sense, I knew that everything will turn out just fine. I wasn’t sure of my future perspectives but I knew how to work hard and so that is what I did. I carefully observed the dream achievers and became an intern within the companies that spoke to my values. I figured If I want to lead I have to learn from the leaders.At some point when I was studying my top-up degree in Design and Business, I had these ‘Aha’ moments where during one course I realised just how entrepreneurial I was. I simply and truly was never born for an office job. What a relief was to get to know myslef!

I got this wonderful advice to text around 10 people (that have my best intentions) asking them what kind of job do they see me doing – I was so shocked when they replied that I would be a really good stylist and that I had an incredible taste for fashion. 

Another awesome tip I’ve heard was – what would you do for free in life?Meaning that there’s something you love doing so much, that you would even do it for free. 

For me, the answer was related to creativity, media, and fashion and so that is how I slowly started moving towards my dream job. As my passion grew my shyness decreased and I took instant actions and found a photographer that was super talented but just like me was a beginner. We were a perfect team. We both started brainstorming photoshoots not only about fashion but about the creative scene and the message we wanted to deliver.

I remember I would search for small boutiques and buy clothes, shoes, and accessories from my own budget secretly hoping that they won't get damaged and I will be able to return them. We put so much heart into every single photoshoot and amazingly, the second shoot we did ended up published in an online magazine. It gave me chills of joy and boosted my confidence to do even better next time. For several years I did all kinds of creative projects and photoshoots for free, almost every single one of them ended up published in magazines. I helped out some new business that needed good product pictures - all for free. I felt happy helping them out and at the same time growing my portfolio. 

Meanwhile, I was studying, working, and looking for a good internship to build a more professional portfolio that in some sense could back up my collection of pictures with some more legit experience. With a little help from my sister I reached out to one of the biggest showrooms in Madrid that worked directly with the Spanish Vogue. I was amazed by an opportunity to be around the best of the best. I was even more amazed to get in. 

Imagine the most luxurious 3-floor showroom with the best high-end fashion brands in the market and… here I was disappointed and confused. As time passed I saw that these people there were suppressing their inner emptiness. They worked hard, smoked much, and had so little interest in the actual creativity. Everything was so fast, mechanical and vain. I remember I was walking around Madrid wandering off to a vintage store where they sold second-hand clothes. As I was trying on a long vintage dresses, an original Japanese silk kimono, I was so overwhelmed with the idea of giving a second chance to used clothes. My brain went through a ridiculous miracle thought of niching myself down to only being a second hand/vintage stylist. In no shape or form, this made sense but I never aimed to make much sense in any way. 

Remember how I started out in Copenhagen? Well, I did exactly the same in Madrid. In one day, I found a junior photographer, a make up artist and beautiful models. It was super easy - I only had to publish a few posts on relevant Facebook groups. So I had a passionate team of creatives, and my internship in Madrid was accompanied by a start-up on weekends leaving me with zero free days. We would meet up and go through lovely vintage boutiques offering to make professional content for their social media channels revealing the beauty of vintage clothes, and ways how to style the pieces in a new and modern light. 

To sum this chapter up, my dreams of a great career within the fashion industry turned out to be more like anti-fashion as I was simply admiring the fact of reusing clothes and lowering the demand and consumption of the modern-day world. I could even say it was like a detox for my soul. Not only did I  purify my intentions and values on this journey, but also realised I had so much life in me! 

Thinking about it now, I transformed from a person who was completely lost without any direction to one with a very clear vision and a goal. I remember like it was today, exactly 2 years ago I was sitting on my bed and praying that god would send me a job that was suitable for my values and talents and, what do you know, after a few weeks I got a job that I’ve created myself!

A second-hand store chain that supported third world countries were super interested in the services I had to offer. Could it be more perfect?! Serving a greater purpose, doing creative projects, and being a stylist of second-hand clothes. Differentiating myself from the rest of the mainstream market was a genius idea and that is how I got my dream job. 

Currently, I am the boss of my own creative ideas, time, and projects. My job might not lead me to some exceedingly great status in the world but I am so happy so fulfilled and content with where I am at and what I am doing right now. I believe in what I do and I believe in the company I work for – that is so important for me. Ironically, this job brought me back to the country that I was so desperately running away from - Lithuania. I found happiness at home and I realised how often we run away from ourselves and the unresolved things that are inside of us. I can truly say that I am living my best life filled with joy, faith, awesome friends, and many creative ideas for the future. Taking a narrow road might lead you to the greatest joy – don’t be afraid to be different for the right reasons!

Told by Iveta Jonikaitė, edited by Dominyka Mieželytė& photos by Bartė Barauskaitė.